THE BUDDHIST CARER

Feeling so sluggish Got no energy at all! Sloth-like and oomphless.

I can’t be bothered Despite coffee and sunshine My mood just won’t lift.

I had no idea - No inkling or warning signs - It would be so tough. I had no idea - Nothing’s really prepared me - That I’d feel this...

Feel so sad, lonely; I’m having to get used to Being left alone. Forlorn’s not a word I’ve used much recently, but It’s simply spot on!

Seven weeks ago I told him not to struggle - Permission to go.

Lonely path ahead Dark, yet safe under foot and Some glimpses of light.

I know he was ill I know he suffers no more I know he was old Yes, it was coming Yes, it’s “better for him” now Yes, it’s “a release” But...

Why don’t you admit You just don’t know what to say? Don’t just ignore me Or sit in your car Out of sight while I walk past But ha! I...

It’s a paradox Everything feels so close yet Also far away. Noises overwhelm Restless, jittery, tender Yet in a bubble. One step at a...

Wife… carer… widow. So many identities - Who am I really? Someone who feels pain At the loss of one so loved: The price of loving....

She wakes every day With a joyful bounce and smile So unencumbered. For her, no question Of the purpose of her life Just be more Penny!...

Widow in waiting The long awaited outcome Very nearly here.

Hasn’t walked in months Shadow of his former self Frail, fading away.

The weight of sadness Lethargy, not-botheredness Just too much to bear.

Why did I even Have to ask him who I am? ‘Course he doesn’t know.

Ylang ylang, vetiver Bergamot, geranium Blended, so grounding. Massaging gently Yet confidently, pressure When and where needed.

Phased return to work Gently easing myself back Working reduced hours

Things he no longer does A list as long as my arm No. Longer. Able. Stand, walk or even talk; Non-sense in jumbled sen-tence Chaotic...

Talking about things With a dear friend & out loud It all becomes clear Reality’s light Shines through & lets fade that dark Veil of...

In complete limbo So disorientated Awaiting a change A liminal space There’s never certainty, so Embrace the bardo. Free from the tether...