THE BUDDHIST CARER

If it were only Worrying how he is Then I’d be ok But having to deal With unresolved “history” It’s all so heavy. Theory says “let them”...

Magnolia buds Teetering on the edge and Just about to bloom

It’s not binary Well - unwell, living - dying It’s much messier. Complex condition Imperceptibly flowing Changing constantly Gentle rise...

Sluggish and anxious Insufficient energy That’s full-on burnout.

Someone used the phrase Emotional earthquake and It made me feel seen.

Feeling jittery Distracted, hyper, restless Just so ill at ease. Heart palpitations And tightness across my chest Overwhelmed body.

Diff’rent difficult Another way of being That’s what I’d call it Not better or worse Diff’rent type of difficult Both better and worse.

Seems they just don’t care Out of sight and out of mind Not a single note Or call to enquire Carry on as normal while My world falls apart

Two years broken sleep Constant hyper vigilance Time never my own Fast forward to now Time takes on new dimensions So much to choose from...

One week on, he says “I’m alright if you’re ok” It just breaks my heart.

Kindness from strangers Got three hugs on a dog walk! Don’t even know them.

Feeling so selfish Who was this change really for? Never known such pain Just twiddling my thumbs So much I could go and do But inertia...

Haven’t been writing Because that would mean feeling I don’t want to feel Writing some things down Seeing them in front of me Makes them...

Plans made weeks ago Fall apart in a second: Carer is injured Inconsolable! Feeling sorry for myself When is it my turn?

Twenty twenty five Wonder what you have in store? Nasty surprises Or peaceful moments Full of gratitude and joy Let’s just wait and see.

Well, I’ve had enough More than my fair share, I’d say I’d like to get off. This ol’ caring lark Never was a novelty. I’ve had my fill!

People never ask How are you doing Suzanne? Well, hardly ever.

Christmas lights in town An upside down reflection Different perspective Puddle on the road Splashes of bright, coloured lights It’s nice...

I have so much time Endless, never-ending time All of a sudden No caring to do Responsibilities gone Temporarily But I’ve forgotten How...

It creeps up on you Then hits like a sledge hammer When someone is kind Or when I stop, pause, Take in the enormity Of my reality. At...