THE BUDDHIST CARER

Widow in waiting The long awaited outcome Very nearly here.

Hasn’t walked in months Shadow of his former self Frail, fading away.

The weight of sadness Lethargy, not-botheredness Just too much to bear.

Why did I even Have to ask him who I am? ‘Course he doesn’t know.

Ylang ylang, vetiver Bergamot, geranium Blended, so grounding. Massaging gently Yet confidently, pressure When and where needed.

Phased return to work Gently easing myself back Working reduced hours

Things he no longer does A list as long as my arm No. Longer. Able. Stand, walk or even talk; Non-sense in jumbled sen-tence Chaotic...

Talking about things With a dear friend & out loud It all becomes clear Reality’s light Shines through & lets fade that dark Veil of...

In complete limbo So disorientated Awaiting a change A liminal space There’s never certainty, so Embrace the bardo. Free from the tether...

If it were only Worrying how he is Then I’d be ok But having to deal With unresolved “history” It’s all so heavy. Theory says “let them”...

Magnolia buds Teetering on the edge and Just about to bloom

It’s not binary Well - unwell, living - dying It’s much messier. Complex condition Imperceptibly flowing Changing constantly Gentle rise...

Sluggish and anxious Insufficient energy That’s full-on burnout.

Someone used the phrase Emotional earthquake and It made me feel seen.

Feeling jittery Distracted, hyper, restless Just so ill at ease. Heart palpitations And tightness across my chest Overwhelmed body.

Diff’rent difficult Another way of being That’s what I’d call it Not better or worse Diff’rent type of difficult Both better and worse.

Seems they just don’t care Out of sight and out of mind Not a single note Or call to enquire Carry on as normal while My world falls apart

Two years broken sleep Constant hyper vigilance Time never my own Fast forward to now Time takes on new dimensions So much to choose from...

One week on, he says “I’m alright if you’re ok” It just breaks my heart.

Kindness from strangers Got three hugs on a dog walk! Don’t even know them.