The look…
- suzanneculshaw
- Oct 5, 2023
- 1 min read
Yesterday, when we were checking in at our local health clinic for an appointment with the neurologist, I experienced "the look". I was transported back nearly 30 years to another time when I was on the receiving end of "the look". I was instantly back in that moment, three decades ago. Another time, another life.
Let me explain.
In the early 1990s I lived in Germany. I'm not German, but to all intents and purposes, I probably look German enough. At the time, I was married to someone from the Middle East. Picture the scene. We were at the local post office and husband no. 1 was sending a parcel home. The post office official behind the counter didn't seem to understand him (he was speaking German, albeit accented). That's when "the look" happened. That glance at me, the eyes saying "you can help sort this, can't you?" Rather than ask him to repeat what he'd said, he was instantly bypassed and the official deferred to me.
Fast forward to 2023. Different country, different husband. We arrive at the reception desk and I encourage husband no. 2 to announce his name and the name of the consultant. Hubbie has a soft voice these days, one of the many "gifts" of Parkinson's. The receptionist didn't appear to hear him and then - BANG! - in an instant "the look" was there. That unspoken glance of "you can help with this, can't you?" The bypassing, the deferral to me.
It's such a seemingly small thing but it speaks volumes. I wonder if either husband noticed? It's certainly left an imprint on me.
The "look" that makes somebody invisible. De-humanising.
Me and my wife play with this at times: at a restaurant the bill is addressed and given to me (the male); to the surprise if the waiter or waitress, my wife is paying the bill.
But your example of bypassing is harder to live, to admit, and to fight. The invisibility that efaces, that nullifies, that adds to the separation and discrimination. The opposite of what you are striving every day, every minute.
Thank you for making these aspects visible (!) to me, one the readers, with inspiring and illuminating effects!